From a psychological and spiritual perspective the truth is: INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE AT YOUR CORE: LOVE. In other words, through your encounters with other people you get to re-discover who you are: LOVE. Plain and simple: LOVE. This implies that on a deeper level—on a spiritual level—you are whole and complete.
Your partners (lover by lover) wake you up to your ultimate truth: LOVE. You evolve over time into embodying LOVE without judgment, without fear, without the limitations of your tribal conditioning (e.g., family, religion, society, etc.). Your pure LOVE radiates light. This LOVE is associated with positive heart-infused qualities such as compassion, forgiveness, honesty, trust, joy, fun, sacredness, and integrity.
For some people, they unconsciously choose their partners and do not think of them as a means to propel their spiritual evolution. Such unawakened people choose lovers based on their inherited beliefs that so often jail them from experiencing LOVE fully. They live out their relationship with their significant other based on their family, religious, and societal conditioning. These types of conditioning are not wrong or right; they just may not be the best and highest forms of thought that enables a person the full and free expression of love.
For example, women on the west coast of North America, let’s say Los Angeles, may be more independent and assertive in their relationships with men than women raised and living in Middle America. One reason for this personality difference could be that women in Los Angeles grow up around Hollywood and observe many women in powerful roles whereas women living in Middle America witness their surrounding women dependent on their husbands. Neither way of being in a relationship—passive or aggressive—is to be judged. What is up for discussion is whether the relationship is a full-fledged CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP that promotes the embodiment and expression of LOVE.
To be in a CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP means many things. For example, it means you . . .
. . . know exactly why you are behaving the way you are with your significant other;
. . . are aware of every action, emotion, and thought you give and take from the relationship;
. . . realize the consequences of your choices;
. . . love yourself and your lover unconditionally;
. . . treat your partner with kindness and respect;
. . . stay true to yourself and honor your partner’s truth;
. . . communicate with your lover and allow him or her the space to express to you.
Also, to be in a conscious relationship means the power of the relationship is in the center. (Allow me to expand upon this principle, as it’s the cause of why so many people come to see me for relationship counseling. To have an unbalanced relationship means that power is given from one person to the other person while the other person takes the power. The person taking the power is psychologically called the “energy vampire” while the one giving up his or her power becomes the victim, drained and depleted of energy. Whether you are giving or taking power, you are manipulating the relationship.
An example of someone taking power can be seen with two lovers whom I’ll call
John and Linda. Although Linda is a very pretty looking woman and has a stable job, she also displays a low sense of self and experiences boyfriend troubles with John. Her boyfriend “walks all over her,” as she confesses. One moment he visits her for sex and then after he “gets it,” he emotionally and mentally abuses her, making her feel worthless and guilty that she did something wrong so that he can leave at will. She cries, begging him to stay the rest of the night with her. He uses her provoked unattractive behavior to justify his departure and his affairs with other women. Linda knows he sleeps around with other women but she allows herself to be in the dysfunctional relationship with him because of her lack of self-love. In this example, John is the energy vampire and Linda is the victim. For both individuals, John and Linda, their own center of power is off balance. He takes energy and she feeds his takings.
By psychological standards, since love refers to power being in the center of any relationship, then it also means that each person in a relationship needs to be internally balanced. In other words, all psychological material within the mind and heart needs to be resolved so that the person’s overall personality is integrated and whole. When each partner in a union is whole within then each partner doesn’t need to steal energy or give up their energy. Power (or energy) distribution is centered.
Moreover, to be in a conscious relationship means that each lover realizes that his/her romantic relationship(s) is an avenue to his/her own unique personal growth process and that it is also a spiritual path to reuniting with his/her core being (LOVE).
To practice the above philosophy of living in a CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP I invite you to write down the names of people you have dated (all of them). Beside each name write descriptive words that reveal any major positive life lessons you have learned from experiencing a relationship with him/her. When you are done, THANK each person for serving you. Feel GRATITUDE in your heart for each person.
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Copyright 2008 by Dr. Lana Marconi
Post created: Apr 02, 2009 | Updated
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